12 Minute Convos with Engel Jones and Autumn McKenzie
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God touched my heart to shift my perspective on motherhood. A historically noble role became one of critical significance to me with generational and global impact. It gave increased meaning to my work and heightened my expectations for what God wants to do through my life.
My first conversation with Engel Jones was in May 2019, nearly five years after Antonio had passed. At that time, I was working full time in the emergency department as a Physician Assistant (PA) and raising my two little girls. I was starting to feel strong enough to consider additional ventures. I had just launched my wellness/lifestyle business. Next, I wanted to finish the book that God placed on my heart to write. I was ready to go, but I felt strongly that God said wait. It was a strong impression. I listened.
I looked forward to the newness that I hoped 2020 would bring. What I received was new but a steep departure from my expectations. I couldn’t have prepared myself for the changes around the bend of 2020. My life would be transformed by significant global and family change. Everything changed.
In February 2020, my mother fell ill and passed away, suddenly. At the same time, COVID shut everything down.
My mom had raised Joshua and Shiloh since birth. I stepped into her shoes to raise Joshua and Shiloh. This was consistent with what God placed on my heart. I would have a significant role in their upbringing.
What I did not anticipate was the spiritual void that I would feel after the loss of my mother. I became keenly aware of the many prayers she prayed that covered me. This compelled me to pursue God on a deeper level. He invited me into a deeper conversation.
I have become increasingly grateful for the grace given to me to raise four when I previously felt overwhelmed by two. What started to feel like pressure and possible overcommitment was revolutionized by God’s promises. I will share with you some of my favorite.
“The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing”
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest”
“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken”
“Cast your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls”
“I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint”
“but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary they will walk and not be faint. ”
“If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?”
“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you”
God entrusted four children to me. Each child had an extreme story of change and loss. I was equipped to help them manage change and give a renewed perspective through what God says about each of them.
I lean into God for help understanding individual needs so that each of them will rise into their potential. Strenuous became light. The burden wasn’t on me to figure it all out because with God all things are possible. I have to lean into what God has to say. My focus has become recognizing the many ways that God is speaking to me.
Every day is an adventure. What God shares with me gives me the courage to stay grounded. Often when I share my story, people focus on the heaviness of it. Technically, it is a heavy lift, but I am not lifting it alone. I have willfully invited God in to orchestrate it all. My assignment is big yet small. Big challenges are minimized by how big God is. In fact, I have been given the grace to see all of this as blessings. In turn, this greatly impacts how I approach my work and how I share my story. Thank you, Lord!
“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.”
God touched my heart to shift my perspective on motherhood.